I was fooling around on The Onion while I should have been summarizing medical documents when I came across an old chestnut entitled "Zing! I Just Got You With Another One of My Trademark 'Complete Lies'". It's about a guy who thinks it's funny to make stuff up and tell it to people like it's the truth for his personal amusement. That makes me laugh, mainly because I do something similar: I think it's funny to make stuff up and tell it to people like it's the truth for my personal amusement. I've never been as malicious as ol' Philip Wynegar--I've never told the office's janitors that they're getting a huge raise, for example--but here are a few of my favorites.
1. One day while heading into the Caf at Samford, for some reason I decided to tell our whole table that I had just read online that Bono had pledged to buy everyone in Africa an iPod. Like many celebrities, Bono enjoys hollow, empty gestures but disdains doing something that would actually help, so this sounded plausible. People thought I was serious. Then got seriously pissed at Bono.
2. At UK home basketball games, as at many sporting events, groups of people throw t-shirts into the crowd during time-outs. At UK, they are from Qdoba, and the t-shirts are wrapped tightly in tin foil. I used to tell Lynn that they were throwing burritos. I forgot all about that until one game when Lynn asked me, "Doesn't it seem like one of those burritos would eventually burst open and make a huge mess?"
3. Every time the song "The First Cut is the Deepest" comes on, I tell Lynn that it's about losing one's virginity. Okay, that's not a lie--I really do think that's what that song is about, but Lynn vehemently disagrees.
4. This is a lie, though--I've told many people that John Cougar Mellencamp wrote the song "Hurts So Good" about his love of, uh, allowing a lady friend access to the backdoor, if you catch my drift. Wink wink nudge nudge, say no more.
I can't think of any other specific examples but I would guess I do it at least once a day. It doesn't really translate at work.
3 comments:
What?! No Burritos?!?! I'm fairly certain I have passed this lie along to multiple people. "You know, at UK, they throw burritos into the crowd." Very convincing...I'm now paranoid about all facts originating from the Fiechter household. hahaha
Oh no way, did I tell you guys that too? Hahaha, sorry!
Babe, I'm sitting at my desk with tears streaming down my face because this blog is hilarious. You're so funny! I bet you're happy you married such a gullible gal:)
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