An Open Letter to Jill and Kevin

Dear Jill and Kevin,

Congratulations on your wedding and the commencement of your fifteen minutes of fame. I have been forwarded a link to your wedding dance at least five times in the past two days:



Each time, it was recommended to me as "genius" or "hilarious" and, to my surprise after watching it, not "ridiculous." It could just be me--I once was in a wedding wherein the DJ asked the members of the wedding party to "dance [their] asses off" on the way into the reception. I walked quickly to the bar, eyes on the floor. So, Jill and Kevin, maybe dancing while large groups of people are watching is just not my thing. In fact, I know it isn't--I told my wife that if she had suggested we do anything even remotely close to what you guys did, I would have to consider our entire relationship. "I'm about to marry someone who would consider dancing down the aisle on her wedding day? I THINK NOT! You, madam, are a FRAUD!"

But I digress. I want to say thank you for the grins you have provided me with. Not with your hilariously irreverent dancing (I can see the reactions of your assorted guests: "Whaa?! Dancing? To a famous R&B hit? At a WEDDING CEREMONY! It's too delightfully zany for words!" I also like to imagine one of your uncles, a snoot in a top hat, dropping his monocle in startled surprise, clutching at the lapel of his double-breasted tuxedo and shouting "Well, I never!", one of your aunts coming down with a case of the vapors, and Jill's father, who looks suspiciously like Jerry Orbach, shedding a single tear, finally letting his daughter go and "getting down" with that newfangled music the kids are listening to these days), but for your decision to do so while accompanied by the strains of "Forever" by CHRIS EFFIN BROWN! Yes, that Chris Brown, noted pugilist and women's rights activist. And my wife thought "God Only Knows" would be an inappropriate wedding song. I guess she was right--nothing says true love forever like dancing to a song by a notorious lady beater.

So, thanks again, guys. And Jill--remember to check your tone. Kevin keeps it real.

Your friend,
Ben