Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Honeymoon is Over

Up to this week, the Kentucky-Calipari union had been going swimmingly. Top recruits--the two best point guards and two of the beset centers in the nation, among others--committed to UK left and right. Patrick Patterson decided to return for his junior year, guaranteeing a dominant front court next season. And it seemed our new coach actually enjoyed speaking in front of people. To the average Kentucky fan, Calipari could do no wrong.

Then this week happened. First, a minor hiccup--Cal didn't meet with a walk-on player, Landon Slone, before Slone decided to transfer. Slone was one of the only players on the team last year who was actually from Kentucky, and, I believe, was the only white player from Kentucky, other than Jared Carter, and definintely the only player from Eastern Kentucky. Thus, he was a bit of a fan favorite. Last summer, the word coming out of practice was he could shoot the lights out and would be seeing some playing time. That turned out to be half true--he played, but didn't contribute much. When Cal arrived, he made it very clear that he would let players know if they would play in his system. Any one with any sense at all could have told Slone wouldn't see the light of day next year.

Either way, this non-meeting set off the first negativity about Cal I have heard from the UK fan base. But, after last night's reports, I'm sure it won't be the last. It seems that a former Memphis player engaged in fraudulent activity during an SAT test and a person accompanying this player received over $2,000.00 in free travel. Given the dates and other circumstances contained in the report, it is clear that this player was Derrick Rose. The result may be the vacating of the wins from Memphis' landmark 38 win season in 2007-2008. This would include vacating Memphis' trip to the Final Four.

The report does not name Cal and the NCAA has cleared him of all responsibility. Further, UK knew about this investigation and, when checking into Cal's record, received the green light from the NCAA*. The problem is, an eerily similar thing occurred at UMASS--Marcus Camby received money and hookers from an agent while he played there, resulting in the vacating of wins and a Final Four. I can understand this happening once. But as the great poet Great White once said, "Once bitten, twice shy, babay!" This makes me worry that one of two things is true. Either Cal is an idiot who has no idea what goes on around his program on a daily basis--which we know, given how hands on he has been at every level in every other matter, isn't true--or, he is trying to be cagey and purposefully turns a blind eye to this type of behavior. Willful ignorance may not be an excuse in the law, but it apparently is to the NCAA. Either way, not good.

An e-mail subject line from a friend of mine who is a Louisville fan sums up the way the rest of the college basketball community is probably feeling right now: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH." Damn. But, then again, we'll see who has the last laugh come basketball season. And then we'll see how long those wins are allowed to stand.

*EDIT: Pat Forde of ESPN.com says that the NCAA did not green light this hire--that they refused to comment and sent Lee Todd and Mitch Barnhart back to Calipari for more information, who presumably filled them in on the investigation. This tidbit is the only good, solid piece of information I could get from an otherwise trite and hacky article. Pat, if you want to be hard-hitting, why not print everyone's side in the Karen Sypher/Rick Pitino mess? Towing the party line there while bashing Cal here makes you look like more of a homer than Bill Simmons.

*EDIT 2: Memphis filed an almost seventy page letter in response to the NCAA's report, which in sum said that no one at the University, let alone Cal, had any idea Derrick Rose had cheated on his SAT.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Well, I Do Declayuh!

Just hook it into my veins!

"It is believed every SEC football game this season — non-conference and conference — will be broadcast on TV."

--Birmingham News

Friday, May 1, 2009

Lying

I was fooling around on The Onion while I should have been summarizing medical documents when I came across an old chestnut entitled "Zing! I Just Got You With Another One of My Trademark 'Complete Lies'". It's about a guy who thinks it's funny to make stuff up and tell it to people like it's the truth for his personal amusement. That makes me laugh, mainly because I do something similar: I think it's funny to make stuff up and tell it to people like it's the truth for my personal amusement. I've never been as malicious as ol' Philip Wynegar--I've never told the office's janitors that they're getting a huge raise, for example--but here are a few of my favorites.

1. One day while heading into the Caf at Samford, for some reason I decided to tell our whole table that I had just read online that Bono had pledged to buy everyone in Africa an iPod. Like many celebrities, Bono enjoys hollow, empty gestures but disdains doing something that would actually help, so this sounded plausible. People thought I was serious. Then got seriously pissed at Bono.

2. At UK home basketball games, as at many sporting events, groups of people throw t-shirts into the crowd during time-outs. At UK, they are from Qdoba, and the t-shirts are wrapped tightly in tin foil. I used to tell Lynn that they were throwing burritos. I forgot all about that until one game when Lynn asked me, "Doesn't it seem like one of those burritos would eventually burst open and make a huge mess?"

3. Every time the song "The First Cut is the Deepest" comes on, I tell Lynn that it's about losing one's virginity. Okay, that's not a lie--I really do think that's what that song is about, but Lynn vehemently disagrees.

4. This is a lie, though--I've told many people that John Cougar Mellencamp wrote the song "Hurts So Good" about his love of, uh, allowing a lady friend access to the backdoor, if you catch my drift. Wink wink nudge nudge, say no more.

I can't think of any other specific examples but I would guess I do it at least once a day. It doesn't really translate at work.