Monday, September 29, 2008

F'in Fantasy Football; or, Playoffs?! You Kiddin' Me?

I play in two fantasy football leauges--one with friends from law school, and the other with the crew of flunkies I acquired at college. In both, I'm screwed.

I feel like this at least once a week, if not more often. This week, I picked up Denver's defense/special teams. In both leagues. But Ben, you might be saying, they're terrible. Aha, I would have replied before yesterday, they are playing the Kansas City Chiefs, a dismal 0-3 team that simply cannot move the ball. Thus, Denver's D is going to have a great week. WRONG. The Chiefs torched the Broncos, earning me a whopping 3 points in one league. What a pack of ninnys.

Also, I have Anquan Boldin in both leagues. He's been stellar for the first few weeks of the season. Last week, I even traded Peyton Manning to get him. Of course, immediately after the trade, the Arizona Cardinals get practically shut out for the first time this year. And, to add insult to injury, Boldin suffered a serious injury and God only knows when he'll be back (he did manage to score a TD before being crushed--every cloud has a silver lining, I guess). Is it bad that the only thing I was worried about when I saw this was how it would affect my fantasy teams? Probably.

Deep breaths. Sorry, had to get that rant out of my system. Lynn listens to me bitch and moan about fantasy football just about every week, but I think she's just humoring me and doesn't understand the earth-shattering import of making the Stupid Panda Jerks playoffs two years in a row. God knows the internets do.

UPDATE 12/1/08: The Indian Goggles will be in the SPJ Playoffs, competing for the gaudy panda bobblehead traveling trophy currently held by Ross Love.

UPDATE 2: Lost! Gah! Ross Love pulled it out but only because his opponent left 130 points on the bench, mostly from Brandon Jacobs and DeAngelo Williams. Yes, that team was stacked.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Monasticism on Two Feet

"Running is one of the only activities that you can begin with little or no planning. You can simply stand up and begin to run. That's what I did."
--Marc Parent, The Very First Step

Like Mr. Parent, I work at a desk. I read and write for a living. I do not labor with my hands or earn my keep with the sweat of my brow. Languor and impassivity seep into my body with every passing day. That is why I have started to run.

Like Mr. Parent, I find the simplicity of running alluring. Its austere qualities draw me toward it. You need only shoes and a path. You need not equipment or experience or talent. The clouds--shortness of breath, jagged pain in the side--can be enjoyed and savored for their silver lining--unassailable feelings of triumph, improvement in well-being. The sounds of running, measured clop clop clop footfalls and rhythmic labored breathing, hypnotize and push me forward. Running is asceticism personified.

Like Mr. Parent, I have only begun. I may falter but I will recover. I may never be good but I will never again be soft.